A Three Part Series: The Selfies, Sexplay and Sexual Communication

When it comes to helping clients with sexuality and intimacy there are several topics I find important and helpful to address: the selfies, sexplay and sexual communication. Being able to acknowledge and validate their wants and needs to their partner can be uncomfortable for our clients, especially if it's a foreign practice. 

Cue, The Selfies.

I've developed some helpful handouts that I use in my practice and wanted to share the content of them here with you! This week I'll be sharing The Selfies, which are a great addition to your OT treatment session and can make for great discussions, worksheets or role play exercises. 

 

Self-Advocacy

The practice of communicating your personal desires, preferences, needs, boundaries, and rights to yourself and to partners. Taking responsibility for yourself as a sexual and intimate person by advocating for what you want and do not want through explicit communication.

  • How to practice self-advocacy:

    Practice self-awareness: know yourself, determine your strengths, weaknesses, personal wants, boundaries, and desires.

    Make your preferences, needs, boundaries, and desires known through explicit communication with others.

    You are unique! Do not assume others know what you want and do not want.

Self-Validation

The practice of taking yourself seriously, allowing yourself to feel, think, and accept without judgment or second-guessing yourself.

  • How to practice self-validation:

    Pay attention to your thoughts. Are they helpful or hurtful?

    Be mindful of how you feel. Your emotions are telling you something.

    Try to understand your thoughts and feelings.

    Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings are valid.

    Treat yourself with respect. Remember you are doing your best!

    Stand up for yourself.

Self-Love

Loving yourself unconditionally. Caring for, respecting, taking responsibility, and knowing yourself. Appreciating yourself to support your physical, psychological, and spiritual health. Practice self-love by accepting your weaknesses, strengths, and having compassion for yourself.

  • How to practice self-love:

    Mindfulness: What are you saying to yourself? What thoughts are you having and how do these thoughts affect your mood, health, and behavior?

    Be grateful and appreciate yourself

    Forgive yourself: learn and grow from your choices and lessons learned

    Set boundaries with self and others: say no and set boundaries in your personal life

    Live with intention: set intention to find your purpose and life meaning

Self- Care

Activities to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically.

       How to practice self-care:

Eating healthy food                       Relaxation exercises

Showering or bathing                   Spending time with partner

Exercising                                       Prioritize self-care

Getting enough sleep                  Explore and receive pleasure

"Me" time or "we" time                Leisure activity time

Meditation                                     Connect with nature

Self-Talk

Practicing positive inner dialogue to help you achieve your goals and reduce negative thoughts and feelings. Useful for changing belief patterns and increasing performance outcomes. Use your positive self-talk to increase your desire and arousal when participating intimate and sexual events 

How to practice positive self-talk:

Create a specific statement of what empowers you to be successful.

Use positive wording and avoid "don't" statements during your self-talk statements

Self- Pleasure

Practicing self-pleasure involves taking time to explore your body and give yourself pleasure. Self-pleasure can be empowering, enjoyable, and informative. It may also seem intimidating, foreign, or awkward.

How to practice self-pleasure:

You are unique. Explore what you find to be pleasurable.

Use external aids: lubrication, erotic images, sex toys.

Be mindful of the sensations you are feeling in your body. Get out of you head and into your skin.  Feel the feels whether yippy or meh! 

Be patient with yourself

Engage in positive self-talk throughout and afterwards.

 

Action Plan: The Selfies 

I will advocate for myself by: _________________________________

I will validate myself by: ______________________________________

I will show myself love by: ____________________________________

Self care tasks I will do this week: _____________________________

Positive self talk statement: ___________________________________

Self-pleasure strategy I will try: _______________________________

Create your coaching statement to empower yourself to achieve your personal goals. 

Selfie Coaching Statement: ________________________________________________________________

 

References

Allen, J. (n.d.) Self-pleasure 101. Retrieved from http://www.juliet-allen.com/lets-talk-about-sexblog/self-pleasure-101

Branden, N. (1987). How to raise your self-esteem. New York, New York: Bantam Books

Epton, T., Kane, R., Harris, P. R., Koningsbrugge, G. M., & Sheeran, P. (2014). The impact of selfaffirmation

on health-behavior change: A meta-analysis. American Psychological Association.

http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/hea0000116

Fruzzetti, A. E. (2013). Self-validation skills for use in DBT group skills training. Retrieved from

https://www.nvpsychology.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Self-Validation-Skills-2013-Fruzzetti.pdf

Linehan, M. M (n.d.). A “how to” guide to self-validation”. Retrieved from

http://www.drbando.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Self-validation-0316.pdf

Martini, R., Cramm, H, Egan, M., & Sikora, L. (2016). Scoping review of self-regulation: What are

occupational therapists talking about. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 70,

7006290010p1-7006290010p15. http://hx.doi.org/10.50

McCraith, D. B. (2019). Cognitive beliefs. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P. Munoz (Eds.), Occupational

therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 301-322). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company

Michael, R. (2018). What self-care is – and what it isn’t. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt

Schwartz, J. K., Stoffel, V. C., & Neubauer, M. D. (2019). Volunteer and service occupations. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P. Munoz (Eds.), Occupational therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 872-880). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company

Seidman, A. (2016). The use of a self-affirmation intervention to increase the psychological help seeking behavior of student Veterans. Graduate Theses and Dissertations. https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/etd/15807

Selk, J. (2009). 10-Minute toughness. United States of America: The McGraw-Hill Companies

Tully, S. (2019). Psychosocial concerns with physical disabilities. In C. Brown, V. C. Stoffel, & J. P.

Munoz (Eds.), Occupational therapy in mental health: A vision for participation, 2nd edition (pp. 264-280). Philadelphia, PA: F.A. Davis Company

UC Santa Cruz. (2016). Disability resource center: What is self-advocacy? Retrieved from https://drc.ucsc.edu/resources-and-forms/resources/online-resources/self-advocacy.html

Weinberg, J. (n.d.) 5 steps to cultivate self-love. Retrieved from https://chopra.com/articles/5-stepsto-cultivate-self-love

Williams, Q. (2014). Young feminist: A journey to self love and happiness. Retrieved from https://www.nwhn.org/young-feminist-a-journey-to-self-love-and-happiness/

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