Helping Parents of Teens with Autism Talk about Dating and Sex: 5 Tips for Occupational Therapists

The topic of dating and romance can be quite difficult to initiate with parents of adolescent clients, especially those with autism. However, as an occupational therapist (OT), you can help parents create a safe, calm, and judgment-free space for their teens to freely express their desires.

Here are five tips to help you initiate a healthy conversation about dating and sex with parents of teens with autism:

1. Use open & validating dialogue: Encourage parents to validate their teen's desires and create a safe and non-judgmental environment for open communication. Acknowledge the discomfort and awkwardness that parents might feel, and encourage them to persist through the discussions.
   • Examples of things parents can say:“Yes, I know these feelings can be a little confusing or awkward," or  “It’s ok, you’re just learning how to date or ask people out.”

2. Ask questions about your teen's dating interests: Use initial questions to help your teen think through their interests and preferences, including gender and sexual orientation.

3. Use the Who/When/How model when discussing asking someone out with your teen. Parents can use this model to help their kids make decisions about when and how to ask someone out:
   • Who: Choose someone you enjoy spending time with, who's around your age and is nice to you.
   • When: Choose a time after you’ve spent time together and shared joy and experiences that interest you. Do you believe they are reciprocating the joy in shared interests?
   • How: Ask when this person is available; express interest in a date; make a plan for the date.

4. Address potential rejection with your teen: Discuss the normalcy of rejection and develop coping strategies for sensory-based issues.

5. Facilitate sensory comforts for a date: Create sensory kits for your teen, including fidgets and headphones, to help them feel safe and regulated during a date.

As an OT, it's important to be observant and proactive in ensuring that teens understand safe sex and appropriate behavior when dating and relating to someone romantically. This discussion should include topics such as physical touch, boundaries, and consent.

By following these tips, you can help parents create a healthy environment for their teens to discuss dating and sex. As a result, teens with autism can develop the social and emotional skills they need to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships.

Interested in developing a dating program and resource for folks with Autism?

Here are some examples of resources and social clubs—many of them developed and run by people with Autism—to explore and learn more about:

SPARK Social Club
PEERS of UCLA Dating Bootcamp Autism Alliance SoCal
Autism Alliance SoCal