When OT Ignores Sex Part 2: Scott’s Interview with Kathryn Ellis (Founder of ISOT)
What you’re about to read is an interview between our founder, Dr. Kathryn Ellis, OTD, OTR/L, CSOT, FAOTA, AASECT-SC, and Scott (name changed for confidentiality)—a disabled adult with significant physical and mobility challenges. Scott has had over 25 surgeries and has worked with OTs since childhood. Despite decades of OT intervention, not a single provider has ever addressed his sexual health—one of his most pressing and deeply human concerns.
Scott and Kathryn first connected in 2020, and since then, he’s become a powerful voice in our community: someone willing to speak candidly about disability, sexuality, and the glaring gap in care when OT leaves sex off the table.
This interview picks up where a previous blog co-written by Scott left off: When OT Ignores Sex: Scott’s Story from Depression to Being His Own OT.
Kathryn:
Scott, thank you for co-writing the first blog we did and agreeing to do this follow up interview for my next blog. I'd like to start off by speaking about how it was difficult to find an OT who would talk to you about sex. Do you have specific stories or remember interactions with OTs that you want to share? And for the record, an OT never brought it up with you, correct?
Scott: Nope never once. Just to start off, I have a lot of experience working with OT providers in my life. When I went to elementary school, I had an OT, and we worked on basic skills that I would need to function in my classes, such as writing, drawing, opening things, using classroom essentials, etc.
I have also had plenty of experiences working with OTs after the 25 surgeries I’ve had throughout my life, both in the hospital and at home.
The last time I saw an OT was actually last October, when I was hospitalized for over a week with health challenges. I was going to ask her some questions about sex as an ADL, but my mom was in the room with me, and that wouldn’t have worked out well.
It is so disheartening—and almost cruel—that OT providers will focus on things like using the toilet or taking a shower, but get uncomfortable when the subject of sex comes up.
I love my mental health therapist, but she only knows about mental health–related issues. She is comfortable talking about sex, but she doesn’t have any professional training in that area.
So my mental health therapist is just taking an educated guess when I ask her questions about masturbating with a limited mobility disability, or what toys might be helpful for me and my disability, or even how I can best advocate for myself during sexual encounters online in a way that makes me feel comfortable and less anxious.
She also isn’t knowledgeable about ways I could potentially go down on a female or male partner, or have intercourse, if by some miracle I’m ever able to find a sexual partner in person.
Plus, of course, we can’t do any kind of touch work, or actually work on skills like getting undressed in a sexy way, or the best ways to masturbate while on video chat. I feel like, for severely disabled individuals, the world sees them as second-class citizens and asexual beings who should be pitied.
OT providers are in the best possible position to actually help individuals like myself! While other ADLs are very important too, it’s as if OT providers assume that disabled individuals are just going to be asexual, which is totally wrong!
If I had an OT who was able to address all my sexual questions, I wouldn’t feel so much low self-esteem and low self-worth. I would feel ready to have sex when an opportunity arises, because—even though I am severely disabled—I would feel like, “I got this!”
Kathryn: ♥️ thank you for sharing that. It's sadly so crystal clear where OT has failed.
I also appreciate your understanding and confidence in what the OT profession can offer, despite not being offered it yourself.
"OT providers are in the best possible position to actually help individuals like myself!" I 100% agree! It’s all so frustrating.
Scott: right?
Kathryn: I'm sorry you had that experience.
We've talked a bit about sex workers for people with disabilities. What do you think an OT needs to or should know about sex work?
Scott: That you need to remove all of the old stigmas that sex workers have been given. Sex workers are amazing and I think they are a gift from god! For many severely disabled individuals, society does not see them as sexual beings. But sex workers treat the disabled individual as a regular human being, with sexual desires that are not being met. They are like healers, only for sexual needs.
The fact that sex work isn’t legal nationwide is a shame and injustice, especially for us in the disabled community.
Kathryn: Yes, I agree with you on all fronts! There's a saying that goes something like "If all else fails, save the whores!"
Scott: Absolutely.
Kathryn: So recently you had a virtual sex session with a porn star. I'd love to hear more about this. What was it like? What was your favorite part?
Scott: Well it was amazing! She hopped on the video chat and she asked what I would be interested in doing. Considering we only had very limited time, I said why don’t we both just masturbate together. She asked me what vibrator I wanted her to use! She was beautiful, funny, sexy, and helped me feel very comfortable.
I appreciated that she made me feel positive about my penis and balls because I do feel very self-conscious about them. We masturbated and my favorite part, this is probably too graphic for the blog but I felt pretty excited when she squirted. I then turned the camera on myself so she could encourage me to cum.
Kathryn: oh that's so cool. I love that you had this experience and she was excited about your body! It's cool she gave you some choice in what she was doing, like what vibrator you wanted her to use. Choice is so sexy!
Scott: Yes because in the past I had comments on hook up apps that I should just kill myself because of my body disabilities, so it was very uplifting to hear her say these nice things! Absolutely! Choice is very sexy.
Kathryn: That's an awful thing to hear. No one deserves that. And I worry about the people who would say that. They don't seem healthy or ok.
Without even knowing what you look like, I think you'd make a great partner because I think you're kind, funny, smart, and open minded. You've told me before that you didn't think you could please a partner and you felt this would prevent you from getting a girlfriend or boyfriend. But then you said you watched my CEU lecture on "Assistive Devices" and it was the first time you realized you could pleasure a partner. Can you elaborate on that?
Scott: Yes I always just assumed because my mouth is partially paralyzed, I could never do oral on a partner. But in learning about assisted devices, I learned that I could use any number of devices on male or female body parts to give them sexual pleasure, this was so eye opening!
Kathryn: That's great, but I wish you had received that information when you were younger, from an OT. Ok, last question! What's next for you? What's your next sexual goal?
Scott: To find an actual sexual partner that I could sex chat with virtually that had genuine feelings for me - like a a friends with benefits situation online👍!
Kathryn: Oh! I love that goal!